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The Dating Game

As I prepare to reenter the dating game, I find myself thinking about my expectations and what exactly it is that I am, or have been, looking for. But first a brief overview of my personal dating history: I don’t really have one. I went on my first real date at the tender age of 47. When I was young I didn’t date so much as meet a girl at school or work or at a party (etc.) and if we hit it off we generally became a couple. It was a natural flow, part and parcel with the currents of my life. Then I got married and that was that.

Fast forward to no longer married, and I find myself floundering in an ocean of possibilities. So I did what any normal, rational being would do: I made a list. I want this quality and that attribute and lets not forget about the other thing, too. For the most part my list went unfulfilled and my dating life was an unmitigated disaster. I was on the verge of giving up when I met one particular lady. Deciding to give it one last shot, I asked her out on a date. Surprise! She appeared to meet several of my key criteria. Enough of them that we went on a few more dates, over the course of which I discovered that she met the greater majority of my list items, and all of them Important Ones.

One would think, having met someone of such exalted character, that Love (with a capital L) would be the only possible outcome of meeting such a magical creature. Nope. Not even close. Strong attraction, yes. Hope and even desire for more, yes. Feeling it? No. While I will freely admit to holding on to my hope for somewhat longer than I should have, we are friends. Friends by mutual agreement, and I’m good with that. She’s a very good friend. But back to dating…

My thinking at the moment is that my list was probably the single most crippling thing I could have done in my quest for love and intimacy. By focusing on the list items, or lack thereof, I shut out the possibilities that each individual carries with them. By saying that she doesn’t have *this* quality, and therefore isn’t for me, I blinded myself to the unique reality that each woman carries withing herself, the very thing that makes her special. Maybe even special to me. In looking for what she lacked, I failed to see what she had.

Additionally, my list appears to have been rather arbitrary, and not grounded in any kind of reality. Hence the lack of capital L Love. I know what I want, but I’m not so certain that I know what I need. That is a thought that I do not like, but there it is. If your going to be unhappy, might as well be honestly unhappy, right? But I digress.

So moving forward my plan is to ignore my list and allow her to reveal herself to me for who she is, not what I wish her to be. The only list that I am keeping is the “run away” list. That’s the one that starts with “psycho bitches need not apply”.

I’ll leave it at that for now, as this is a thought in progress. I’ll write more as things develop. Meanwhile I will just focus on getting back out there, meeting new people and having new experiences. Most of all I want to have some fun and enjoy the ride. I have no idea where it’s going, but it promises to be good.

And if I happen to get laid along the way, well that would be pretty nice too.

Posted in Dating.


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